The Week in Alcohol

The 'she could end up rotting in Hell' part was taken out by his Firefox grammar-checker A Paris judge has filed charges against critic Robert Parker for defamation of his former assistant, Hannah Agostini, author of Robert Parker: Anatomy of a Myth. "The charges were filed Friday against Parker for writing on his Internet site that Agostini 'could end up stagnating in prison,' and for misrepresenting the penalties that she faces, officials said.... The critic declined comment about the case. He was fined €2,000 ($2,820) by a Paris court in March for violating Agostini's presumption of innocence."





As a sobriety test, you just have to type out "Super Saver Shipping" without slurring your words Amazon.com announced that they would soon be selling wine online





The return address on the rice bags to the Lepage factory in Mianzhu, China should have been a bit of a giveaway Japan's Sake supply has been compromised by tainted rice. "Shipments of pesticide-ridden, rotting rice, intended for use in glue factories, have ended up in the human food chain, principally as ingredients for brewing the national tipple. In the past week more than a million bottles of shochu and saké - drinks made from rice - have been recalled over safety fears."




Their "drink beer and be impotent" campaign didn't seem to work too well The Brewers association of Canada announced that over the next five years it would be donating $1 million to the study of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome in Canada



...but especially when somebody's applying for a job as a T.T.C. executive The Toronto Transit Commission announced that it would soon be testing some workers for alcohol and drugs. The report "recommends that employees in 'safety sensitive' jobs like vehicle operators or track workers, their supervisors, and members of the TTC executive be subject to six stages of drug and alcohol testing: when applying for a job, when there is 'reasonable' suspicion of impairment, after an incident, after a violation, after treatment and randomly."

He then went on to observe that they had bad weather and produced crummy soccer players as well Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver complained that Britons didn't appreciate decent cuisine, and that "the only people who drink more than us are the Irish and the Scottish"

The only problem is that Yellow Tail sets off the alarm as well Scientists in France have designed a technique to detect counterfeit wines. "The results reveal the age of the bottle, and the wine within it. This data is then compared to results from bottles known to be authentic."

Your ticket there on Air Canada will cost you $1259.99 Macau---which has recently eclipsed Las Vegas as the gambling capital of the world---has eliminated it's 15% tax on wine "in a bid to become a dominant player in the regional fine wine market".






It was followed by a sex-free orgy at Tommy Lee's hotel room Motley Crue played a concert at Toronto's Molson Amphitheater at which alcohol was banned.









However, the age of consent still stays at 10 France plans to raise it's drinking age to 18







It all happened when Becks and Posh left Real Madrid for Hollywood The Foreign Office in London released figures showing that the number of British tourists in Spain arrested for being drunk grew by a third over the course of the previous year

Racing in front of Gordon Brown will do that to a guy In Britain, a dozen jockeys have been caught drinking and riding by random alcohol testing. "But as only a tiny fraction of those who ride each day are tested under the system, it is thought many more jockeys are still slipping through the net and riding under the influence of alcohol".


He actually thought he was riding in the fifth race at Epsom Russian high-jumper Ivan Ukhov was banned from a Swiss track meet for jumping while inebriated. Film at 11:00.

No, We Haven't Moved! (But take a look at Larry's Page anyway.)

The Week in Alcohol is coming back from it's hiatus at a new site! The Week... is now being hosted by Larry's Page, over down Spinnakers' way! Thanks for your patience and continued patronage! Come by and give us a look!

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Wonderful news! Big Brother has raised the bread ration from 500 grams to 250 grams! Initial signs are that prices for the mostly inferior 2007 crop of Bordeaux wines are going to be inflated: the first Bordeaux chateaus to declare prices have kept them at 2006 levels. Meanwhile, Robert Parker, the man who usually gets the blame for 20 years of upwardly spiraling Bordeaux prices, has called the majority of the wines coming out of Bordeaux in 2007 herbaceous and disappointing. In related news, Rising prices of European wine have been traced to a tax on... bunker fuel


At least neither's thinking of bringing out a Roger Moore line of products A dust-up has developed between Champagne houses Bollinger and Taittinger over which is fictional spy James Bond's champagne of choice. To celebrate the 100th anniversary of the birth of Bond creator Ian Fleming, both champagne-makers hosted self-promoting Bond-themed events in London.




She declined to lower the admission price to her private weblog, though Critic and wine-writer Jancis Robinson was quoted as calling wine critics "parasites". Meanwhile, Clive Coates, in The Wines of Burgundy, has come out against Robert Parker and The Wine Spectator: "Wine Critics are often misinformed or just plain pig-ignorant."




They were trying for Satisfaction but Keith and Mick were asking too much "Ex Nihilo Vineyards, in Okanagan Centre north of Kelowna, will be producing a limited release of an icewine labelled in honour of the Stones' hit Sympathy for the Devil."




Its makers had just arranged a deal with the Broken Social Scene to call it Finish Your Collapse and Stay for Breakfast Toronto police raided an illegal winery in Toronto and found tens of thousands of liters of wine stored in desperately unsanitary conditions, intended to be sold in local convenience stores at $15 a gallon

The Week in Alcohol

It was just the homemade beer talking Premier Brad Wall of Saskatchewan apologized for derogatory remarks he made towards Ukrainians in general and one-time NDP Leader Roy Romanow in particular at a conservative gathering 17 years ago. In the 1991 video released to the media recently, Wall speaks in a bad Ukranian accent and jokes about sending bombs to labour leaders. In the same video, Saskatchewan MP Tom Lukiwski referred to gays as "faggots with dirt on their fingernails that transmit diseases." Prime Minister Steven Harper has declined to discipline Lukiwski.

They're sending in Silvio Berlusconi to investigate Several of Italy's top Brunello producers have been charged with adulterating their wines. "None of the producers has yet been charged, but investigating magistrates have blocked the bottling of 2003 vintage Brunello by three of the most important producers, Antinori, Frescobaldi and Argiano, and quarantined 10 vineyards and 600,000 bottles belonging to Castello Banfi. Top managers at two firms have received formal warnings of impending investigation."


If only it prevented dementia in Saskatchewan Tory politicians Evidence was recently presented that women who consume wine are up to 70% less likely than abstainers to develop dementia


Afterwards, lawyers arguing the losing position were heard to make rude remarks on the lack of wine consumed by female justices on the majority side In a 7-2 decision, the Supreme Court of Canada struck down the so-called "two-beer defence", where drunk-driving defendants bring in their own experts to claim that they metabolized alcohol faster than could be measured by a breathalyser.




Ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer's hookers could have told you something like that years ago A study found that the more expensive you think a wine is, the more likely you are to like it.





In a later statement, he tried to use the ten-beer defence In Wales, ex-Tory Minister Rod Richards got into a drunken punch-up with Conservative canvassers on his doorstep. "The conversation developed into a heated argument involving Mr Richards and four Tory canvassers. The ex-MP claimed he hit one of them after he was pushed to the ground and hurt a finger. He said: 'The guy who pushed me was rude and arrogant. I don’t regret clipping him.' "

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And we think you're full of shit about the '07 Bordeaux as well Robert Parker was fined 2000 Euros by a French court for uttering false accusations against former associate Hanna Agostini, author of The Anatomy of a Myth, which (among other things) claimed Parker often wrote about wines he'd not tasted. In related news, it was announced that Javier Bardim was to portray Parker in a new movie... oh---April Fool.

America drinks and goes home Bordeaux producers, faced with a less-than-stellar 2007 vintage to take to market this year, are seeing little but sour grapes in the American market. "'America is not the world, it is a bit bigger than that,' said Patrick Maroteaux, president of the Union des Grands Cru de Bordeaux, and organiser of the annual primeur tastings", when asked about the softness of the US market for the '07's. One American who will still be welcome is new felon Robert Parker: "If I get a good Parker score, which makes it so easy to sell my wines, that is great" according to Bordeaux producer Didier Marcelis


We're also asking the public to interpret $2.8 million in liquor industry contributions as mere public-spiritedness Against the advice of the state's Attorney General, the Maryland Legislature is considering a bill to regulate alcohol-pops (such as Mike's Hard Lemonade and Jack Daniel's Black Jack Cola) as beer rather than liquor. "If the legislation makes it through the House, the drinks would continue to be taxed at lower rates than alcoholic beverages such as rum and whiskey and would enjoy wider distribution than spirits."

It was followed by an alcohol-pop happy-hour at the student-union pub A judge has overturned Virginia's ban on alcohol-related advertising in college newspapers. "U.S. Magistrate Judge M. Hannah Lauck sided with the student newspapers at the University of Virginia and Virginia Tech, which said the restrictions on alcohol references -- including phrases such as 'happy hour' -- in print and online media hampered their ability to make money because they've had to turn down potential advertisers".


Now if we can just keep him from songwriting when he's sober Hanna Alta. native and Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger (real name Chad Turton) was convicted of drunk driving and will be sentenced May 1st. He's been caught driving his Lamborghini 160 km/h through Surrey, BC at nearly twice the legal blood-alcohol limit.

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Another reason for Russia to join the European Union One million revelers marked St. Patrick's Day in Dublin, celebrating Ireland's status as the binge-drinking capital of Europe. Alcohol consumption in Ireland has risen 50% over the last 20 years, with binge-consumption now twice the average in the rest of the continent. "Prime Minister Bertie Ahern, often pictured drinking Bass ale, last week called for a crackdown on drinking. His initiative followed the murder of two Polish workers who were stabbed with a screwdriver in the south city suburb of Drimnagh on Feb. 23. The Dublin-based Irish Times said they were killed for refusing to buy alcohol for a teenage gang."

...But the Asian Tigers respond to the challenge The South Korean Health Ministry announced that binge drinking was costing the country 2.9% of its gross domestic product per annum. "They often continue boozing past midnight, entering a second round or a third round of drinking at karaoke bars or restaurants, drenching themselves with 'Bombshells' -- cups of beer mixed with whiskey".


A name that just had "wine" written all over it Niagara Vintners Inc., the Ontario winemaking co-op that produced "20 Bees", has gone bankrupt. Originally the brainchild of a group of 19 growers "they built a 43,000-square-foot winemaking facility near Niagara-on-the- Lake, Ont., opened a retail outlet and announced plans to hire 400 workers. They also set a target of producing up to 100,000 cases of 20 Bees and 20 Ice annually, roughly five times what many established wineries produce." The consensus of analysis is that they set their sights too high, too early: their ambitious first run was 30,000 cases, 21,000 of which remain unsold with the receiver---along with 3.6 million liters of bulk wine




They're going to call her first fragrance "hangover" Actress Eva Mendez, fresh from a spell of rehab at Utah's Cirque clinic, signed a new contract with Calvin Klein, which includes her own line of perfume









Flash! Australian nation now on suicide watch! Last year 1.3 million bottles of Arrogant Frog were exported to Australia, a 20 percent increase on 2006, according to Jean-Claude Mas, the wine's Languedoc-based producer.






Click on map to enlarge... In response to greater demand for Champagne, particularly from "emerging [read Asian nouveau riche] markets", France's Institut National des Appellations d’Origine has enlarged the official Champagne appellation from its current 270 villages to 310. "For those joining the exclusive club of Champagne producers, the move will be extremely lucrative, according to Gilles Flutet of the I.N.A.O. On one side of the divide, land is worth about $3,000 a hectare, but its value rises to nearly $1.5 million a hectare on the other side."

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I will do such things--- what they are, yet I know not---but they shall be the terrors of the earth! The French wine producer's lobby group Vin et Société has threatened French President Nicolas Sarkozy with industry-wide action if he doesn't act on a campaign promise to repeal or gut the 1991 Evin Law, which radically limited the industry's ability to promote itself. Recent court decisions have resulted in the closing down of Heineken's French website, Champagne house Moët & Chandon being fined 30,000 euros, and newspapers being forced to post government warnings along with articles about wine


That'll clarify things The Bordeaux Syndicate has voted to rename the Bordeaux Supérieur AOC "Bordeaux Premier Cru". Not surprisingly, the Medoc's 1er Crus from the 1855 classification are protesting. In other news, the appelation "Cru Bourgeois" is making a comeback


It seems smokers were spontaneously combusting In a voice vote this week, the Missouri Senate voted to ban alcohol vaporizers. The machines (also referred to as AWOL) allow users to inhale alcohol directly into the lungs and bloodstream. "Sellers promote it as a way to get a buzz without the calories, carbohydrates or much of a hangover."


You just have to flawlessly type "super-saver shipping" 10 times as a sobriety test Amazon.com has announced its intention to sell wine on its website.



They knew something was up when they found the alcohol vaporizer in the ladies room According to the US Nuclear Regulatory Commission, "An administrative assistant whose job duties include testing Entergy Nuclear employees at the Vermont Yankee nuclear plant for possible drug and alcohol use was suspended for two weeks after she was found to exceed allowable alcohol limits." According to Raymond Shadis, a senior technical advisor for the anti-nuclear New England Coalition, "You have real problems when those people who are in charge have a hard time staying straight and sober."


When they ask why I drink all day I'll say because I can Breathalyzer evidence against Nickelback front-man Chad Kroeger was ruled admissible by a judge, and the 2006 impaired-driving charge against him will go ahead. "When Kroeger stopped for police, an officer noted he had red, glossy eyes and a red, flushed face. He allegedly handed over his credit card when the officer asked for his driver's licence."

The Week in Alcohol

He declined to discuss how little he settled for Massachusetts wine collector Russell H Frye, a litigant at the center of the notorious "Jefferson Bottles" lawsuit, has settled his suit against California's The Wine Library out of court. In related news, two movies about the case are currently in development; while the man at the center of the storm, Hardy Rodenstock, hangs out at his castle and giggles

That's kind of shameless for a start Wine commentator Jancis Robinson has started a "name and shame" campaign on her website, devoted to exposing wine producers who for arcane delusions of prestige, irresponsibly sell their wines in overly heavy (and environmentally insulting) bottles. Unfortunately, to either name a bottle or shame a winemaker, you have to be a subscriber to the pay portion (the so-called 'purple pages') of her site, at a cost of 99 Euros per annum. In related news, Southern France is suffering a glass bottle shortage




Miller found out that Britney was adding alcohol to hers after she'd opened it Several US Attourneys-General are demanding an inquiry into SABMiller Plc's Miller Brewing, whose "Sparks" alcoholic energy drinks contain double the amount of caffeine allowed under Federal regulations, and 17% more alcohol than stated on the label




Wait 'till they find out what they were fried in The food standards committee of the Muslim Council of Britain has called for an investigation of several snack-food manufacturers for using trace amounts of alcohol as a flavoring agent in their potato chips



Another reason to use screw caps A Surrey, BC man has been sentenced to 9 years in prison in Australia for smuggling two kilos of cocaine into the country. The drug was found dissolved in three 1.5 liter bottles of wine in the convicted man's luggage. Customs agents were possibly tipped off by the fact that the bottles were all a bargain BC brand, but were being brought in from Hong Kong. (Or the idea that nobody brings crummy Chardonnay to Australia and gets away with it)

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Good bloodlines Paris Hilton's weedy little brother, the ominously named 18 year-old Barron Hilton, was arrested this week for DUI. He registered almost double the legal limit on the breathalyser test, was found to be carrying a fake California drivers license, and was carrying a female passenger who had sideswiped a Ford Ranger earlier in the evening. The Hilton family declined to post bail.




But they have not yet banned the Fois Gras dispensers from the washrooms France has banned sales of wine, beer and spirits at gas stations. In a related story, a French court has upheld a lower court's ban on alcohol advertising on the internet in France.




Of course, he was only 7 1/2 times over the limit for Manitobans In Bosnia, a driver pulled over for zig-zagging blew 0.6 on a shocked police officer's breathalyser, which is both 20 times the Bosnian legal limit of .03, and well past the point where he should have slipped into a coma.

That's 'subtropical' as in backwoods Louisiana, right? According to Russia's National Alcohol Association president Pavel Shapkin, sales of bootleg alcohol in Russia last year dropped 14% from almost half of total consumption to a mere 28%. "Our country is shifting from a temperate pattern of beverage consumption to that of a subtropical way of life."


Taking them out of the gas stations forced them to raise prices Alain-Dominique Perrin, CEO of the Richemont Group (which owns Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpels, Montblanc, Piaget and Dunhill, among other concerns), described high en primeur prices anticipated for the 2007 Bordeaux first growths as "immoral". Perrin noted that prices for top Bordeaux are generally 8000% above what it cost to produce them, whereas the standard markup in the luxury trade is closer to 1700%.